on grieving with tenderness
No one tells you about the hard part of adulthood; caring for your aging parents. As I am blooming into my age, they are aging into theirs, and I instantly regret wishing I grew up sooner…
This was initially published Oct 17, 2022 on Revue
We’ve made peace with Death, but Grief is so fickle. It is never easy to witness one’s mother grieve the death of her own mother, so what can I do? My life is rooted here in Brooklyn, New York yet my family is far apart from me in California. I cannot help but feel desperately helpless. How could I help her grieve when we are 2805 miles apart, from one coast of the country to another?
So this past winter, I split the year and my life by spending 6 months with them in California. I thought it would be unbearable, but I feel differently now; to arrive home as an adult and to physically care for my mother has been and will be the most beautiful periods of my life.
To anyone who is willingly returning home to care for your aging parents, this journey will be difficult and heartbreaking. Perhaps you’ll feel bitterness, resentment, and frustration but maybe this experience will make you bloom from tenderness, sweetness, and gentleness. What matters is that you are here; you are present with soft arms, open for comfort and company.
When I’m older and far, we will never have to regret wasting our best years wishing we had spent more time each other; wishing we were nearer; or wishing we had given each other more love and effort. Because we will both know and remember.
Update: I wrote this in February 2022 and now it is October 2022; I am happy to let you all know that my mother is doing so much better! She’s really happy that I came home to spend quality time with her, so I will be doing this split year more often.